I'm delighted to say that I've mastered
The appropriate usage of "bastard":
It's a person who's bred
By a pair who weren't wed,
But were too much in love—or too plastered.
If a lizard or worm's in a spot,
Then self-amputation's its lot.
For they're both quite autotomous,
But the great hippopotamus,
Though he rhymes,
To be honest,
Is not.
“Lord, we finally got into Canaan,
But we think you should do some explanaan.
Forty years isn’t funny:
Where’s the milk? Where’s the honey?
Where’s the benefits promised in trainaan?”
“I talk,” claimed a linguist named Hamill
“With every species of mammal”
When asked for a reference
He said, “What’s your preference?
My mother-in-law, or my camel?”
It is said that Dame Julian of Norwich
Was tempted to sin by her porwich.
At breakfast one day,
She yelled, “Devils, away!”
Then she locked all her oats up in storwich.
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