More of My Old Limericks

 

There was a young fellow of Putney
Who would eat only lentils and chutney.
He chose to migrate
To an Indian state,
But he died there of terrible glutney.

 

It took a few plates of titanium
To patch up that crack in my cranium.
That’s the danger you court
With a cocky retort
To a wife with a potted geranium.

 

An ambitious young fellow named Matt
Tried to parachute using his hat.
Folks below looked so small,
As he started to fall,
Then got bigger and bigger and SPLAT!

 

An unscrupulous bird is the stork:
He dines with no knife and no fork;
No agency vets
All those newborns he gets,
And when asked where they’re from, he won’t tork.

 

There was a young lady of Clapham
Who had too many kids and would slap ‘em,
Till the council said, “Cease!”
Now she calls the police
And they come round with tasers and zap ‘em.

 

What a limerick is in a crunch
Is a bit like a loony’s light lunch;
Though it briefly delights,
It’s just four nutty bites,
Swallowed down with a ludicrous punch