Here in America,
We’re all going to Heaven
Not because we deserve it,
But because we are entitled to it;
Such is our creed.
Heaven must be within reach of the majority,
Appeal to the median voter,
The average citizen,
Carrying an average burden,
Making the average number of complaints,
Being cruel only rarely,
And kind only superficially.
Heaven sanctifies moderation.
If saints do exist,
In our Heaven they will live a marginalized existence,
As despised eccentrics;
The exception and not the rule.
You might think our Heaven a humdrum sort of place,
But it isn’t,
Because the amenities
And the service
Are extraordinary:
The pillows are that soft,
The music is adorable,
And you can fly,
Without even a jetpack,
Simply by willing it--
Whoosh!
It’s like living in the best possible hotel,
In the best possible amusement park,
Surrounded by people who, inexplicably, think you're awesome.
Heaven is Vegas on steroids,
And who wouldn’t want that?
Heaven is like being stupendously rich,
But without being miserable,
Like so many of the wealthy on earth are.
Otherwise, why have a God at all?
You can see Vegas from Calvary.
And we are all going.
Gee whiz, what fun!
Heaven is Vegas on steroids... that about sums it up!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great piece of poetry!! Going to think long and hard today ~~~~
ReplyDeleteHere in Australia we are trying very very hard to become more and more like America and earn ourselves that heaven of comfort and pleasure too – well, those of us who are white and otherwise non-deviant, of course. (Can't let everyone in.)
ReplyDeleteYour tone of restrained bitterness and veiled contempt is masterful.
I remember Betty White saying something similar on an episode of the Golden Girls. I agreed with her then and I agree with you now. Being stuck in Vegas for eternity sounds awful to me. I intend to become a free agent. I've heard that the other place has cake and heavy metal, so I may check it out.
ReplyDeleteGraham, I smiled at the American qualifications. I'll stick to the King James way, it has proof in an almost unbelievable way.
ReplyDeleteI do go for soft pillows, you forgot sausage biscuits and pancakes with maple syrup though.
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Sounds ghastly.We are following in your footsteps...
ReplyDeleteWe're all going to heaven because we are entitled to is my favorite part of the poem and then I like the cotton candy simplistic description that most haven't outgrown. Even as a child I knew that would be boring.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a Twilight Zone episode. We humans need the struggle, the conflict, the striving to become better. Stagnation - ugh, no... not even in paradise.
ReplyDeleteI do like how you give the tweak in this
The first fourth line are terrifying in their reality. It's a horrid thing, isn't it? How truth this seemingly satiric poem really is. What frightful fun, indeed.
ReplyDeleteA satirical yet sobering piece. It makes one think.
ReplyDeletea great satirical piece of writing.
ReplyDelete"Heaven is Vegas on steroids" may sounds like fun but it isn't.
well i don't know about all of you, but when i die i'm going to (none-of-yer-damn-business) wyoming. they have a mcdonalds, and whenever i hit the drive-thru i'm always first in line =)
ReplyDeletewell you are not pulling any punches in this poem, nor should you. of course there is no guarantee of all the stuff you said, depends on what after-life policy you can afford. well written graham =)
"Because we are entitled to it" That line hits with the force of a sonic boom in an already powerful piece.
ReplyDelete